Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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