yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
