Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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