I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
