Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
