I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
