she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
