I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
