Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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