I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
