my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
