non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
