Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
