Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
