I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
