the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
