Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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