I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my being single is dangerous.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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