Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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