Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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