what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
