everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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