Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
