She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
