we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
