When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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