There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
