We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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