Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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