Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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