All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
BRING THE BAGELS
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
