Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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