Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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