Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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