Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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