it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
