I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
