theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
