i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
