WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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