I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
