I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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