ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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