yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
40s are totally the cure
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
