i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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