It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
