we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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