dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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