either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
