so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Randomize
