my sisters under your porch take her home
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
